“I have found that an argument, like a potential highway accident, can generally be spotted from some distance away, and it could be avoided the same way: slow down and approach with caution.”
–Earl Nightingale
Want to avoid an argument? Ask questions.
I don’t know about you, but I came out of the womb ready to argue. If someone started in on a point, my brain would skip right past listening and start loading up my best comeback. I was always first in line to disagree.
Half the time, I’d jump into battle before I even knew what the other person was actually saying. Letting them finish? Not my best attribute.
Here are some tips from Earl Nightingale that I wish I had heard growing up.
- If someone wants to argue or toss out a point you disagree with, ask them to get specific. What exactly are we talking about here? (Of course, it helps if you actually know what their point is and have good reasons for disputing it!)
- If someone says something that sounds totally off the wall, you don’t have to bite your tongue. But don’t let your adrenaline do the talking, either. Stay cool and just ask, “Why do you say that?”
- Let’s say they double down with another wild generalization. No problem! Just keep asking, “Can you be more specific?” or “Why?” or “How do you know?” Keep the questions coming.
- Forget about proving them wrong. Instead, let them try to prove themselves right. Sometimes, their own argument will do the heavy lifting for you.
- When someone pitches an idea, just ask, “Why?” If it’s actually a good idea, their reasons might win you over. If it’s not, they might talk themselves out of it while trying to explain.
- Remember, you can join any conversation calmly—and even enjoy it! You don’t have to be the fact-checker or the winner every time.
To summarize. Let’s pretend your extended family is gathered together for a traditional Thanksgiving meal, and somebody makes a ludicrous statement. All you need to do is ask one of three questions:
“Why do you say that?”
“Exactly what do you mean by what you just said?”
“What is your proof?”
A few well-placed questions, and you might just save the day—and the turkey—from a full-blown family feud.
A wise man once said, “Do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm.”
Adapted from “Avoiding an Argument” in Earl Nightingale’s book, Your Greatest Asset, page 49ff (Kindle Version)
Mark
Dr. Mark Edge
The WorkEdge Company
Telephone: 903-245-7851
Email: workedgetexas@gmail.com
Website: www.workedgetexas.com
Author of Holy Chaos How To Walk with God in a Frenzied World
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=mark+edge&crid=3B1BM6W3LHOG0&sprefix=%2Caps%2C137&ref=nb_sb_ss_recent_2_0_recent
WorkEdge leverages AI as a resource. While this material was not written or generated by AI, the editing was informed by AI tools.