What do writer Maya Angelou, actor Tom Hanks, and chef Wolfgang Puck have in common? They have all struggled with imposter syndrome. Each of them has faced self-doubt and wondered if others would see their true selves.[i]
Imposter syndrome is when you feel like a fraud and believe your success is not truly deserved:
* It’s the beautiful girl who worries that a boy is only interested in her looks and wouldn’t like her if he knew her true personality.
* It’s the child of a famous person who fears people only notice them because of their parent, not because of anything they’ve done themselves.
* It’s the athlete who grew up in a tough neighborhood or the entertainer from a rural farm who finds success but still feels out of place among other successful people.
* It’s the adopted child who feels like they don’t truly belong in the family that chose them.
I want to talk about how success can actually make self-doubt worse for some people and how we can deal with imposter syndrome. Studies show that 70 to 80% of Americans feel this way at some point. If left unchecked, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout.[ii]
There are three ways people often respond to imposter syndrome: sabotage, conquest, or acceptance.
1. Sabotage. This happens when you think, “I don’t deserve my success,” and end up unconsciously holding yourself back. This year marks 100 years since Marilyn Monroe’s birth. She was one of the world’s most beautiful actresses and a true icon, yet she struggled with feelings of inferiority. Born as Norma Jean Baker, she spent much of her childhood in foster homes and an orphanage. She once wrote in her diary, “The truth is I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let men fool themselves. Men sometimes didn’t bother to find out who and what I was….They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t.[iii]” In the end, she took her own life.
Marilyn’s story is an extreme example and is also shaped by the shallow values of our culture.
Perhaps Scott Hoch’s case is more relatable. Scott Hoch was a professional golfer who rarely won. In 1989, he missed a very makeable two-foot putt to win a major golf tournament on the last hole. He lost in a playoff. Golf pundits wrote that Scott Hoch “choked.” I don’t know, but there have been many athletes in a position like his, and an inner subconscious voice whispered, “People like you never win.”
Clearly, sabotaging yourself is not a good way to handle imposter syndrome.
2. Conquest. The second way is to work on believing, “I am not an imposter; I belong here,” until you truly accept it. This approach leads to a life overflowing with gratitude and self-comfort.
Harry Truman became president after Franklin Roosevelt died. He had been left out of many important decisions, including the atomic bomb project, and felt overwhelmed. He famously said to reporters, after assuming the presidency, “Boys, if you ever pray, pray for me now. I don’t know whether you fellows ever had a load of hay fall on you, but when they told me yesterday what had happened, I felt like the moon, the stars and all the planets had fallen on me.” However, because of his character and his extraordinary sense of history, he adapted to his tasks to the point that he felt qualified to take charge and lead. He famously kept the sign on his desk, “The buck stops here.” In this way, Harry Truman conquered imposter syndrome and accepted his extraordinary responsibility in the world. That’s great if you can pull it off. But the fact is, very few achieve that level of mental flexibility and self-confidence. This brings us to the third way.
3. Acceptance. For many people, this is the most realistic option. The feelings of being an imposter don’t go away, but you learn to live with them. I am surprised by how many athletes and singers feel tremendously nervous before their events. Rather than seek a cure, they have learned to live with their nerves. They have learned to accept the tension as a fact of life and a sign that they are mentally and physically ready. They know a powerful performance can come from the harnessing of nervous energy. Their mantra is, “Don’t fight the nerves; harness the energy.”
Neil Gaiman is a well-known English author. A few years ago, someone emailed him on Substack and wrote, “… I read that you’ve dealt with impostor syndrome in the past, and I’m really struggling with that right now. I’m in a good place and my friends are going through a lot, and I’m struggling to justify my success to myself when such amazing people are unhappy. I was wondering if you have any tips to feel less like this and maybe be kinder to myself, but without hurting anyone around me. It’s a big ask, I know, but any help would make my life a lot less stressful.”[iv]
Gaiman replied that some time ago, he was invited to a big event honoring important people from all fields—business, art, science, exploration, and more. Neil felt out of place, as if he didn’t belong there.
One evening, as the day’s festivities ended with a music program, Gaiman felt uncomfortable among so many famous people and moved to the back of the auditorium. An older man came over and started a friendly conversation. Looking at the other honorees, the man said, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
Gaimen replied, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”
That older man was Neil Armstrong.
If you struggle with imposter syndrome, you’re not alone.[v] Even if those feelings never go away, it’s not the end of the world. Neil Armstrong lived an honorable and accomplished life after walking on the Moon and becoming world-famous. So, if you feel out of your depth, do your best and act like the person you want to be, as if you truly deserve your place.
As someone once said, “Act like the person you wish you were, until you become the person you are.”
Mark
Dr. Mark Edge
The WorkEdge Company
Telephone: 903-245-7851
Email: workedgetexas@gmail.com
Website: www.workedgetexas.com
Author of Holy Chaos. To purchase the book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=mark+edge&crid=3B1BM6W3LHOG0&sprefix=%2Caps%2C137&ref=nb_sb_ss_recent_2_0_recent
WorkEdge leverages AI as a resource. While this material was not written or generated by AI, the editing was informed by AI tools.
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[i] https://uk.news.yahoo.com/11-times-celebrities-talked-dealing-210034836.html
[ii] “Workplace Burnout and Mental Health” https://crcbehavioralhealth.com/workplace-burnout-and-mental-health/
[iii] “Marilyn Monroe” – Wikiquote https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Marilyn_Monroe
[iv] https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/05/the-neil-story-with-additional-footnote.html
[v] My thanks to Zoe Chance. I first heard about this story in her excellent book Influence Is Your Superpower.