Have you ever found yourself in an argument, convinced you’re right, but somehow you leave the discussion feeling more annoyed than victorious? Benjamin Franklin knew that feeling. He realized that throwing around words such as “certainly” or “undoubtedly” just made people dig in their heels. And let’s be honest—nobody likes to feel like the fool in the room. So, instead of doubling down and insisting he was right, Franklin tried something different. He started giving his “opponents” a little respect, utilizing phrases like:
“I conceive…”
“I apprehend a thing to be so-and-so…”
“It appears to me…”
“I should think it’s so-and-so…”
“For such and such reasons …”
Franklin’s approach was guided not just by experience, but also inspired by the wisdom of his hero, the English poet Alexander Pope. Pope’s words helped shape Franklin’s method:
“Men should be taught as if you taught them not,
and things unknown proposed as things forgot.”
So, what’s Pope getting at? His advice is to teach so smoothly that people barely notice they’re learning. Rather than highlighting someone’s ignorance, treat it as if they’ve simply forgotten. It’s a much friendlier way to help someone learn.
Here’s another quote from Pope:
“Immodest words admit but this defense,
That want of modesty is want of sense.”
Franklin wasn’t a great public speaker—he said he lacked eloquence—but he still managed to persuade people with these strategies. He recognized that pride is hard to overcome, but practice helped him overcome it.
This lesson played out for me at home as well. One of my kids as a child was a champion arguer, debating anyone at the drop of a hat. (Like her dad when he was a kid!) I shared Franklin’s trick with her: Don’t say, “You’re wrong, and I’m right.” Try, “I may be wrong about this, but…” I told her, “Most people are open to dialogue but dislike arguments.” She adopted it, and now her own little one, already a feisty debater, echoes with, “I may be wrong, but…” It’s surprisingly endearing from a four-year-old.
Proverbs 20:3 tells us, “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling” (ESV). So let’s take a page from Ben Franklin’s playbook: stay humble when you share your ideas, and skip the arguments. You might just win a few more friends—and maybe even an argument or two.
Mark
Dr. Mark Edge
The WorkEdge Company
Email: workedgetexas@gmail.com
Author of Holy Chaos. To purchase the book, click here: